Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
