Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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