Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
