i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
