so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
