Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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