Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She's the barista slut.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
