So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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