So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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