would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He's on the porch naked. Help.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
