You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
