Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My breasts were aching with rage.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
