I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
