He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
