I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
