So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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