dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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