that's an acceptable place to lick
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Randomize
