that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
