So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
