:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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