Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
