I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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