did you get engaged???
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
