Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
