I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
