I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
