3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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