i need an iv and a liver transplant
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
