Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
