Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
