I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
