I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
