guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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