Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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