tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
