i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sext me about skeletons
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
