i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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