Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
