the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
