this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
