Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
