She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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