We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
