so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
