His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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