if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My vagina is officially offended.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
