Cold hands, warm shart.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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