Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
