that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
