My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
