There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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