it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i was born a porn star she said
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
