Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
