I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Apparently you make a good broom.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
