Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Randomize
