I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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