Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
