I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
