woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
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