It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
