did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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