I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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