She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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