just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
