OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
