I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
