wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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