hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
